My Life at Magnificat

The Free Masons' Gospel is a book, in which I try to use the mindset of these groups, based largely on a Gnostic spiritualism in which the figure of Jesus is minimized to leave him alone as a man with a messianic mission, stripped of all divinity and whose resurrection is a false fact and without verification, promoted by his disciples.  Paul is indeed, whom the Gnostics consider the creator of the God-Man.

 

The figure of John the Baptist is exalted in his divine mission over the one of Jesus.

Likewise, the figure of Mary Magdalene represents the disciple-wife to whom Jesus deposited not only the authority of the church but also, the inheritance in the blood of their children. Peter and Mary the mother of Jesus were whipped from the role in the history of church.

 

The book The Free Masons" Gospel will continue, despite the irreparable loss of my files that contained a large amount of information. Within these pages, I will reveal the mysteries that Vicenzi (the main character in my book) will discover during his mission that the emperor Constantine entrusted him and it has the purpose of Seeking for Jesus.

He started a journal to find holy places and reminders like documents, utensils, etc.

He founded in Bethlehem the place where he was giving birth and in Jerusalem, he established his tomb and the cenacle. He found the Pretorius, the place where the tradition said that the original temple of Salomon was buried. This place is located at the present time, in the Muslim district of Jerusalem, where the golden Mesquite was erected.  

 

He has to look for evidence of his existence through relics, documents and objects that bear witness of his presence on earth was something real. Holy land was not the limit of his search; he had plans to go to Egypt, the land of the Gnostics, where they kept many of these proofs.

 

I worried about the absence of Jesus in my life that Jesus made known to me in my home and at the school of my childhood.

 

In my years of youth, Marxism and socialism seemed to respond to Christian–humanism outbreaks in most of the third world countries. It turned the words Justice in God in Social Justice and then, in Revolution as well as the word Love on Sexual Freedom.

 

My life burdened by the absence of that Jesus of my childhood, one day I felt the urgency of finding him, and doing so, I knew that he was always at my side, but; he was the one who would find me, not me.

 

I had managed several Latinos clubs in the area of Houston over 2 years, and my life was sliding downhill. I decided to leave this city to head to New Orleans, and learn from the many artists who are in this city.

I always admired the techniques of using crayon (Pastel) and opaque watercolor (Tempera) that Degas used during his stay in this beautiful city with a taste of French province. These combine techniques were taking up by the painters and they made of this medium, the favorite in this city.

With these ideas in mind, I decided to take the metro bus to reach the bus station and buy my ticket to that city.

 

A friend of mine who lived in the same area, asked me to allow him to travel with me to New Orleans.

With tears in his eyes, he told me "I want to leave this neighborhood. My friends use to invite me to drink all the beer I like, but not a taco meal". "I am an alcoholic but I want to quit". I accepted him as a companion and together we went to The Central Bus Station in Houston.       

                                                                                                                                             

The bus station is so small, compared with the size of Houston and it is located in the downtown district.

Upon arrival, we went to the ticket window to find out the fare of our trip.

I took some money from my wallet in order to buy my ticket, when he asked me for the money to buy his.

I put a face of surprise, and he tried to explain to me that he had no money just as I supposed.

Look, I told him, "I have just enough money to buy mine and to spend on the first days before I start seeking for a job in that city".

"Let"s go to look for a job, here in Houston", he replied, "we can exploit this Christmas season on these last days of the year working through a labor pool and with more money in our bags, we could make it better in New Orleans".

"Where we are going to stay"? I replied.

"Don"t worry about it, follow me"! He told me.

And following him, he led me to The Salvation Army.

 

They gave us three nights to stay. That night is when my soul decided to look for Jesus with more eagerness.

Once inside the building, we went to the dorms, then it was when I saw his face among those who formed the row. I looked around the room to ascertain about his presence but I couldn"t see him in any of the beds.

I went to bed thinking that everything had been a mine configuration.

 

Very early in the morning, as we left the building, I saw him chatting with several of those who had slept in the dorm. I think that he was disturbing, when he noted the insistence of my sight.  I went back inside the building to bring my friend to show him what I supposed was Jesus; at least I wouldn"t think that it was my imagination this time.

 

When we went out into the street again he had disappeared, and the group around him had been dismissed mingling with others.

We cross the street, I thought that he may be in the employment agency on which we were going to subscribe but he wasn"t there either.  

 

I signed up with my friend in the labor pool and we took a seat to expect that someone will call seeking for workers, they may call us.

After 15 minutes we were sitting, I told him, "I"ll see you in the afternoon", "I will walk, to distract my mind".

 

I left the place aimlessly fixed, and I took the metro bus to go to downtown that was relatively close to the site and which I was also more familiar.

I asked the driver that was Hispanic, where there would be a Catholic school and he told me that he will show me where to leave the bus.

The church was located in a Hispanic neighborhood nearby.

I got off the bus and then, I saw that the church had the name of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

It has alongside, an elementary school. I entered the church, after many years of not entering any. I saw Guadalupe image and I kneeled at the main altar.

 

Some tears came to my eyes and suddenly I felt the urgency of confessing my sins.

I went to the office and I found it was the school rectory and their pupils were in class at that time.

With lust in my words, I asked the clerk, for a priest to confess. With a bureaucratic voice, she told me, "there is not confession today; you need to come next Friday before the mass".    

 

I answered a bit irritated, "When an ill person goes to the emergency" room in a hospital, it is because; he expects to see a doctor". "Today, I came seriously sick of my sins, that I carry for many years and your answer is as you throw me out from the hospital".

I was ready to leave when a side door was opened and a priest who had been listening to the conversation, called me with a very gentle voice, "come to my office, I will hear your confession.

 

I do not how long I said my confession, possibly an hour. Years had passed that I had moved from God and the  Church, not even I had given account of changes and reforms carried out by The Second Vatican Council but what surprised me most at the end of my confession, it was the penance that the father imposed me.

He told me, "not only have you forgotten Jesus, but, also others, in who Jesus is present and wants to be looking for".

"All these years, you have lived in a total selfishness and seeking only personal pleasure and your benefit".

"As penance, I am going to ask you, to go and look for a friend and in three days, you will show him your affection".

 

Find a friend? But I already did, I thought to myself, and thinking on him, I wonder if he was able to find a job, so, I returned to the Salvation Army building to wait for him. When the time to sign in   was over and he didn"t appear, I asked for another place to which he might have go. Someone pointed out elsewhere in downtown where the admission will conclude later.

 

I went to that place without hesitation. 

 

The place is call Star of Hope. This facility contrasted with the clean and modern Salvation Army at that time. The dorm consisted in a hug hall where they lined up about 300 bunk beds so I had to share room with about 600 unclean people that dismissed an unpleasant odor.

 

The smell and the environment of the place didn"t let me sleep throughout the night, so I got up and stayed while having coffee and chatting with the security guard.

 

The next day, very early, I went to look for my friend.

 

The day before, I had bought some cigarettes and gave them to him with some money for the bus and to buy something for lunch.

 

After some time waiting for him, he finally appeared about 8 o"clock in the morning. He came hungry and looking for cigarettes. He told me that he hadn"t been paid yet, and he had to stay at the job site to sleep, because they finished late. It was Saturday, one day before the last day of 1984.

 

"Come on", I told him, "I"m going to buy some cigarettes for you and then we can go to breakfast". "We can look for a place to lunch later".

 

"I need to come back to collect my money", he replied to me, "but; at noon, I"m going to take you to a place where they serve a good free meal"!

"Well, we will see". I told him, "I may follow you again".       

 

That day, he took me to a place where my Catholic mentality was confused. In the corridor, I saw the statue of the Virgin Mary, It was in her advocacy of The Immaculate Conception, I think. On its walls I could see other images of saints.

 

The Catholicism that I grow up in never was interested in a social ministry because all our vision focused on the spiritual. I resisted, it was a place where Catholics provide this kind of help, so I couldn"t resist the temptation and to resolve this doubt, I went to ask the person sitting at the front desk.

Now I know, her name is Stella and she has a heart as big as her enormous body.

 

"Yes", she told me, "this is a Catholic place and it is call Fatima House, and belongs to the Legion of Mary". "We do not offer meals, another Catholic organization does, but they are renovating its building located next door, and we just let them to use this place to serve meals while they remodeling their building".     

 

Curious, I went into the building under remodeling and inside myself, began to sprout my desire to help, washing dishes or cleaning tables.

 

I asked about the person in charge of the place and they pointed out the men cooking in the kitchen.

I presented and offered him my help, his response was sharp.

"We do not need help"!  

 

Upon seeing my face in frustration, he told me, "if you come tomorrow Sunday, after we had mass, they make an appeal to those who want to participate in an aid program and stay in the houses, and then you can enroll with us".

 

That evening, my friend finally could collect his money and told me that he already had enough to buy his ticket.

 

On Sunday, I told him that I wanted to eat at the same place we did the day before.

As I had been told, after mass, a lady made an appeal to those wishing to stay one month to provide help, they will give them, the bus fare to go any part of the United States if their idea was to go to another city or they could stay with them, while looking for a job in Houston, otherwise, they could continue living in the houses helping in the community needs.

30 days, I thought, it is a little time to serve the one who I forgot for many years and that he has always been at your side.

 

When we finished eating, my friend whose name is Elias, hurried me up to go to buy the tickets.

 

"Look", I told him, "I decided to stay with them for a month, you go"!

 

I felt that my search for Jesus, barely had begun but; that was up to him, to come to my encounter.